When I was growing up, my family took many trips to my mother’s village home. We took these trips to go and lay some very close people to rest. My maternal family has lost so many people. If I were to make a list, we would have over 20 people on it, each death hitting harder than the last. We would cry, lay to rest and try to get on.

I never gave grief much thought till I lost a friend and then a cousin in the span of 1 month. Grief is hard. Grief is depressing. Grief is many things. One thing I know for sure is; grief is felt and expressed differently.

While I was trying to recover from the numbness of losing my friend, death hit my maternal family again. We lost our spice (story for another day). I watched everyone closely and realised everyone was grieving differently. Some of us spoke about her often with tears in our eyes, some of us remained mute and held back tears, some cried non stop, some refused to say her name or listen to anyone say her name… Everyone was hurting differently. One year after her death, everyone is still grieving… Most of us still don’t want to say her name, some of us think of her with a smile, some of us still cry… Grief never ends. It was on that day of her remembrance I wrote about the sad truth/fact I have come to accept, life goes on.

Things I have learnt in my grieving period:

  • Grief is normal.
  • We can’t dictate how a person should grieve.
  • There is no way around grief. You have to go through it to get out of it.
  • Grief will last as long as it wants to, you can’t force it to stop.
  • It is not predictable. It comes and it goes. Hits you at unexpected moments.
  • There is No shame in grieving.

I used to cry while listening to Drowning by Chris Young but now I even smile sometimes… Grief gets easier, it just rarely ends.

4 thoughts on “Grief

  1. I have kept our chats and conversations. I cant delete her number or unfriend her on Facebook. I cry sometimes but life goes on. Truly Grief rarely ends. Thanks Sis

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